Last But One Today But Can't Wait

I must admit I've had enough of being here now. The novelty of cooked breakfast every morning, although it's a small plate, has worn off and I left some this morning, just not feeling like eating it. They usually have at least one nice choice of hot food for both lunch and tea, but not being used to eating three cooked meals a day and unfortunately up until now not having enough will power to resist I've been eating what I'm not used to and it has caught up with me today. I'm beginning to feel sluggish and bloated and being immobile for the majority of the day is definitely not helping. The walk to Starbucks was cut today because of the rain and I'm due to start today's treatment at midday again, which means an early finish, but not a lot of chance left to get out this morning. I can't wait to have a decent night's sleep in my own bed and hopefully wake up at a decent time when I want to - sheer bliss.

It still looks like I am retaining water and this morning I noticed my face in the mirror. It looks like a balloon, very rounded and red. The nurse came today for more blood and didn't do too well with the needle so another big bruise next week to go along with those on the back of my hands.

So far, trying my hardest to find some wood to touch, the side effects of the chemo haven't been too bad it's just being in the hospital that is beginning to get me down a bit. It's strange how we all moan about getting up for work and usually having a similar routine each day but I can't wait to get back to mine.

What A Difference A Floor Makes

As I mentioned yesterday I was moved down a floor to the ward I should have originally been on and what a difference it made, unfortunately not for the better. Still in a bay of four with one guy I was upstairs with and two new guys. The first issue with the move is that they have apparently implemented visiting hours for this ward and forgot to tell us when we moved down here so Sam had to leave at 8pm last night, which considering as she got here at 6:45 intending to stay till about 9:30 it really makes you wonder weather it was worth her coming back. Our bay is right opposite the nurses station with no doors etc. separating us so you get to here them mumbling throughout the night when they are wide awake but we are trying to sleep. The gap in the window mentioned previously also seems to make the outside road noise much more noticeable. All in all considering as I finished the course at a reasonable 8:30 last night I had, what felt like, a worse nights sleep than previously.

No matter what the time is I am out of here after my Saturday session.

Another Day, Another Drip

Day two finished about 12:30 this morning. Having a few small issues with a bit of water retention & swelling of my hand and the cannula giving me a bit of pain so it will be moved to my right hand before today kicks off. As for the water retention, I have put on 5 kilos since I got here on Tuesday morning and if the swelling & weight doesn't start to decrease then they will give me some medication to stop me retaining so much.


Anyway after a late finish, watching the Matrix to pass the time, I was up again for a pee stop at about 6am this morning, then again up at 7am for temperature, BP & pulse checking, then just after 8 to place my breakfast order. Went for the cooked breakfast, bacon, scrambled egg & tomato followed by marmalade on toast. I could get used to this. The food in general has been quite good but I do have some personal gripes. I went for quiche for lunch yesterday but skipped on the potato as I usually don't eat a lot for lunch and received a slice about 2.5cm wide and 6cm long. I thought this was like a wine being  served in a posh restaurant, you get a small taster in the glass before the waiter fills it.

Had a nice escape to Starbucks for a decent coffee this morning and thanks to Sam getting me a flask from there yesterday it stayed nice and hot the whole time. It was good to get some fresh air and stretch my legs after being sat on a bed for most of the last two days. Had the consultant here when I got back and after chatting with him everything seems to be going OK so far, apart from the odd side effects.


Just been moved down to the ward I should have been on to start with but, stupidly, it doesn't feel as comfortable as ward 62 and there is a draft coming through the window I'm next to so not as warm as the old bed.


Started today's round at just gone mid-day so should be expected to finish about 6pm to 7pm tonight, an early night by comparison to the last two so going to finish off watching the Matrix.


There you go Jo, some babble for you to read at last.

More Fact Than Emotion

I thought I should write this post because of a conversation I had with Sam this afternoon after getting the text message from my niece.

Ever since being told I most probably had testicular cancer I don't think I have had emotional feelings and thoughts about what the outcome could be. I have just been a 'let's get on with whatever is necessary so I get to the end as soon as possible to get on with the rest of my life' type of person, blaming no-one and not spending any time thinking how someone, who is perhaps slightly above average fitness, eats fairly healthy & doesn't smoke or drink very much, could contract this potentially life threatening disease. I've not seen it as something that should interrupt my usual life more than is necessary, with the exception of perhaps delaying a long overdue holiday in the sun, or something I should be worried or embarrassed about just something that needed to be dealt with as soon as possible. The thought of never coming out the other side of this has never entered my head, I have a life with a brilliant & loving wife and family which I intend to continue. I know this is not perhaps the way most other cancer suffers react, at least not at first, but this is me.

Being an avid cyclist I read the first Lance Armstrong book several years ago which covers his time during his cancer treatment and found it quite motivating even then but more so now. As I said above not worrying about what has happened just concentrating on what is happening coming to a successful conclusion.

I should also add that the one thing both the consultants & specialist cancer nurses I've come in contact with re-iterate is that if you are a man who is going to get cancer, testicular cancer has the highest cure success rate of about 97% I think and the quicker you get it diagnosed the better it is for you. I suppose I'm trying to say guys here is your chance for a regular good feel to keep on top of it, don't be shy there are several good internet sites out there full of information for the blokes.     

Number Two On It's Way In

Started day two at about 3pm this afternoon but this will be a long one tonight looking at my chart finishing around 11pm as it's two of the cancer drugs. Thursday, Friday & Saturday should be around five and a half hours each giving me hope I can be out of here Saturday night.

Here's another plug for the sympathy & thoughts etc. we've been getting, as I think that people should be thinking of both Sam and me at this time, after all it is her who has to go home to an empty house, prepare food for just her and sleep in the house all by herself. Anyway it was a text from my niece & nephew on my sister's side, very nice of an 18 year old thinking of me and nice words in her text. Two of the three guys in here with me have been having visitors, mobile phone calls and texts but there is one who, I think, has travelled a distance to get here and hasn't had any visitors or received and contact by mobile. Perhaps that's his choice, as I believe this is his last cycle, but personally, even though I am 100% confident of living through this I find it a comfort when I get a message from a family member or friend. 

One Down Fourteen to Go

At last the treatment has started. Yesterdays first day didn't finish until half past midnight this morning and apart from a blip at about 3am this morning when I was woken with nausea pains that lasted about 15 minutes and a call of nature the night wasn't too bad but then it's only one day of drugs. I will be well chuffed if the rest of the week continues as it has so far.

It's very quiet up here at 10:30am. I thought things would be a lot more lively than this. Two of the guys in this little room are dosing but I've had breakfast, showered and changed ready for the excitement the day brings.


Had a nice early morning call from my niece asking how I was and then going on to comparing breakfasts. Apparently, considering she is only five, she is quite worried about me where her brother, my three year old nephew, just thinks I've got a 'sicky belly'.


They should be able to bring today's treatment forward and the nurse said they should be able to start at about 3pm. Still be well into the evening when I'm still attached to the drip but does mean a much earlier finish.

Would just like to say two personal things:
1. Sis, you need an old fashioned alarm clock with hands so it doesn't matter if it's AM or PM, anyway forgot to say hope you managed to get to work on time.
2. Sis-in-law, thanks for your text and I know all of the family on the outside will do whatever they can to help Sam as much as me through these next few months.

I can't say it enough but no matter how confident & positive I feel it is such an encouragement to get the supportive texts and emails from people. I'm really sure it does make things at least a little better for both of us.

At Last

Slight mess up here as I should have been in last Friday for pre-op but because nothing was booked and the blood they took this morning was held up in the labs I have been on the drip for about 15 minutes now. Six and a half hours for this days intake means it's going to be quite a late night tonight. This also seems to stop any chances of me being able to be home for Saturday night when we were going to have an Indian take-away, something I was looking forward to. I suppose I should be grateful that I've got in and started on the road to recovery. Now just have to wait and see what the next few months holds in terms of side effects. I think I should be OK with most and am not worried by any of them, especially as they are temporary, with the exception of the potential damage to my kidneys & lungs.    

Here We Go

Its all kicked off. Got here for 9am and was the first on the bay but because this is my first cycle and my induction would take longest I had to wait till last to be sorted. Must admit they do look after you very well here, had the cook come up asking what I wanted for lunch from the selection but also offered me sandwiches & soup. The lunch meals can be a soup and main if you want both, not sure about the evening meal yet but the cook did get me some cereals for breakfast as I left too early this morning to have any at home.

The nurse looking after me has been very thorough so far explaining what I will be going through during my first cycle which drugs and saline should take about 6 hours. I'm in a small room with four beds all now taken. The guy next to me is on his second cycle and one guy opposite is on his third cycle but I'm not sure about the fourth guy yet. All this I have gathered through overhearing conversations they have had with the doctors & nurses as none of us have spoken to each other yet.

I know they have to go through all the side effects that might happen but some of them sound as though they can be painful, irritating or annoying and possibly more that one of these at a time. Two of the guys here have almost lost the hair on their heads and the guy next to me has very little hair. Have to remember my hat to keep my head warm if I loose what little hair I have. 


Had a few messages of support from family and friends which is very comforting and much appreciated. I think it also helps Sam to know there are others thinking of us as this will also have a great effect on her during the next nine weeks and probably longer. She says that she wants to be here with me as much as possible but it will be hard to be sat here for hours at a time just trying to pass the time.     

Third Time Lucky

Admission is back on for tomorrow (Tuesday) but in a different ward and I have to be there for 9am. At least it means that things get under way and I haven't got to be waiting around for the phone to ring with a new appointment. I've done the rounds of letting people know the change again and it means that all the prep done over the weekend hasn't gone to waste.

All Change - Again

After a weekend of trying to get odd things, around the house and for hospital sorted I have just had a call from the hospital admissions. The ward I was due to be admitted to tomorrow has been closed since the weekend due to the outbreak of a virus. They are, at the moment, unable to give me a new admission date. What an irritation as I have been gearing things around going in to hospital tomorrow. Ah well looks like I'll have to re-arrange things to carry on as normal until I get another date.

All Change

Had a phone call from the lady dealing with admissions at the hospital wondering if I could start my treatment on Tuesday and not Wednesday which is good news as it means that once the Saturday round of chemo is finished I should be able to go home and spend the rest of the weekend with Sam. This also means the Sunday of recovery should make it possible for me to go back to work on Monday. The sooner I start the quicker the cancer will be killed off and the quicker I can get back to normality and, fingers crossed, an easier 2010 than 2009 was.

Due at the dentist later this afternoon for the tooth that at the moment hasn't been causing me any pain at all to be removed. I think the pain once the anaesthetic has worn off will be worse than the pain the tooth has given me so far, but it is a precautionary measure in case it starts hurting during the chemo when, apparently, it can be a potentially big problem.

With my admission being moved forward by one day means this weekend will be a bit busier getting things ready as well Sam's decorating schedule and the general clearing out things I was hoping to get done before starting chemo.

Is there really anything wrong?

Last night before I left work I passed the time of day with one of the company directors. He told me that my line manager had informed him of my situation and I elaborated a little on the up-coming chemo but later realised that to the outside world I look the same fit & healthy person I was 6 months ago, perhaps a bit heavier due to the reduction in testosterone, well that's what I'm putting the festive period excessive eating and weight gain down to. 

I did realise this perception previously when talking to Sam just after my operation as I looked no different before going to hospital  as I did when I returned to work after my recovery period, with the exception of my trousers fitting a little different around the crotch. Although I will not do anything to try and hide the fact I have cancer as I don't consider it anything to be embarrassed about I have not been trumpeting it around, just keeping the family & friends who are close to me updated with progress and wearing my Livestrong bracelet with pride. This leads me to sometimes wonder what the guys I work with, who don't know my situation, are thinking when I'm in and out of the hospital as regularly as I have been. My situation might become much more apparent to them, if I suffer from the hair loss side effect, as I'm hoping not to be away from work for too long during each cycle. Saying that, I usually have my hair cut very short so it might not be too obvious that I have lost any at all.

Round Two

That's round two done - 4 lots of blood and what will most probably be a nice big bruise on the back of my hand. I must admit even though I rarely eat chocolate in work I am really craving a bar of Cadburys Dairy Milk at this moment in time. Question is do I brave the cold and run to the shop.


While I was at the hospital my cancer nurse, Su, came to see me and gave me a start date of next Wednesday for the first 5 day cycle of chemo which means I will be in hospital over the weekend. I've got to start thinking of what to pack as it is apparently very boring if you don't have anything to do with the chemo taking about eight hours to be administered through a drip. There is a rest period between each eight hour session where I can leave the hospital but at the moment I don't know how long this period is or what the chemo/rest cycles are. When I told Sam she almost immediately started thinking about scheduling visitors but she did say she wanted to be with me as much as possible. It's going to be hard on her especially at the weekends I'm in but we have started the preparation work to give the house a lick of paint so hopefully she will be spending some of her weekend time with a paintbrush in her hand.

The one thing I am glad about is that, according to the BBC weather, the snow will be all but gone by Wednesday so travelling for us and anybody else who wants to come and visit should be much easier now.

Round One

Just returned to work after having the chromium injected into me. Now got to let it swim around my blood system before having the 4 samples taken. Got to remember to take my lunch with me as these blood draws will be done from 12:30 to 14:00 and it's not worth returning to work after each draw as I would be able to sit down for about 5 minutes before having to leave.


Dropped an email to a friend of mine yesterday just letting him know what has happened to me and he came back with a couple of funny quips about morning scratching and bicycle shorts & saddles. Also emailed my sister, who's living in London, with an update on my progress and received a couple of nice pictures of my youngest nephew especially the one of him enjoying the snow.

Have to cut out the coffee and chocolate from about 10pm tonight in preparation for the kidney test tomorrow. Got to be at the hospital for about 10am tomorrow (Wednesday) to have an injection of radioactive chromium but the letter from the NHS does re-assure me that I won't become radioactive so no nice green glow around me after, then back again two hours after for blood to be taken then more taken every half hour until they have 4 samples. It's a good job your body can replenish blood quite quickly otherwise I would be almost empty now with the amount that has been taken.

I've noticed over the weeks that the people you least want taking blood from you are the doctors. Even as a kid running around the streets & fields where my parents live I never had bruises the size of those caused by a doctor jabbing a needle into my arm for pre-op blood. Most nurses on the other hand can extract blood and only leave a mark the size of the needle without inflicting any pain at all.

Yesterday Sam, my wife, managed to get an appointment at the dentist, who was most helpful when told it was a pre-requisite for my Chemo, for this Friday so I can have my tooth extracted.

Sam by the way has been the best throughout everything so far but will, I think, be pushed much further during the long hours in the hospital day after day even though I have told her she doesn't need to be there with me at all times, the being at home at night time preparing her own dinner, as I usually do the cooking, I think it will be as tough if not more so on her as it will be on me.

Hello

I decided to start a blog after being diagnosed with testicular cancer back at the end of October 2009 but after the chop op and then Christmas I just never got round to it. Unfortunately the op was not completely successful and I now have to go through chemotherapy which should start within the next few weeks.

I'll try and make this blog a record of what goes on during my treatment but I think it will most probably cover other day to day things.

An appointment with my consultant at the South West Regional Oncology Centre resulted in a five day three cycle treatment but because I expressed a wish to minimise the potential damage to my lungs, being an avid cyclist, the last cycle will not include any Bleomycin. The decision to go for a five day regime and not a three day one is because I have issue with my kidneys and over five days the daily dosage is less and so will cause less damage to the kidneys.

There are several things I have to do before the Chemo starts, one of which being a visit to the dentist to have a tooth taken out. I had a bit of toothache just before Christmas so made an appointment to see the dentist between Christmas & New Year by which time the pain had disappeared. I was told that I needed a root filling or the tooth removed but it would be OK to leave it until the pain re-occurred. Unfortunately if the tooth becomes infected during the Chemo it can potentially cause me severe problems as during each cycle my immune system will be very low. The other things are preliminary to the start of my Chemo and include a kidney, hearing & lung test.

That's where I am at the minute and now all you readers are up to speed. All I have to do now is remember to maintain this blog as I go through my treatment.