I must admit I've had enough of being here now. The novelty of cooked breakfast every morning, although it's a small plate, has worn off and I left some this morning, just not feeling like eating it. They usually have at least one nice choice of hot food for both lunch and tea, but not being used to eating three cooked meals a day and unfortunately up until now not having enough will power to resist I've been eating what I'm not used to and it has caught up with me today. I'm beginning to feel sluggish and bloated and being immobile for the majority of the day is definitely not helping. The walk to Starbucks was cut today because of the rain and I'm due to start today's treatment at midday again, which means an early finish, but not a lot of chance left to get out this morning. I can't wait to have a decent night's sleep in my own bed and hopefully wake up at a decent time when I want to - sheer bliss.
It still looks like I am retaining water and this morning I noticed my face in the mirror. It looks like a balloon, very rounded and red. The nurse came today for more blood and didn't do too well with the needle so another big bruise next week to go along with those on the back of my hands.
So far, trying my hardest to find some wood to touch, the side effects of the chemo haven't been too bad it's just being in the hospital that is beginning to get me down a bit. It's strange how we all moan about getting up for work and usually having a similar routine each day but I can't wait to get back to mine.
Friday 22 January 2010
What A Difference A Floor Makes
As I mentioned yesterday I was moved down a floor to the ward I should have originally been on and what a difference it made, unfortunately not for the better. Still in a bay of four with one guy I was upstairs with and two new guys. The first issue with the move is that they have apparently implemented visiting hours for this ward and forgot to tell us when we moved down here so Sam had to leave at 8pm last night, which considering as she got here at 6:45 intending to stay till about 9:30 it really makes you wonder weather it was worth her coming back. Our bay is right opposite the nurses station with no doors etc. separating us so you get to here them mumbling throughout the night when they are wide awake but we are trying to sleep. The gap in the window mentioned previously also seems to make the outside road noise much more noticeable. All in all considering as I finished the course at a reasonable 8:30 last night I had, what felt like, a worse nights sleep than previously.
No matter what the time is I am out of here after my Saturday session.
No matter what the time is I am out of here after my Saturday session.
Thursday 21 January 2010
Another Day, Another Drip
Day two finished about 12:30 this morning. Having a few small issues with a bit of water retention & swelling of my hand and the cannula giving me a bit of pain so it will be moved to my right hand before today kicks off. As for the water retention, I have put on 5 kilos since I got here on Tuesday morning and if the swelling & weight doesn't start to decrease then they will give me some medication to stop me retaining so much.
Anyway after a late finish, watching the Matrix to pass the time, I was up again for a pee stop at about 6am this morning, then again up at 7am for temperature, BP & pulse checking, then just after 8 to place my breakfast order. Went for the cooked breakfast, bacon, scrambled egg & tomato followed by marmalade on toast. I could get used to this. The food in general has been quite good but I do have some personal gripes. I went for quiche for lunch yesterday but skipped on the potato as I usually don't eat a lot for lunch and received a slice about 2.5cm wide and 6cm long. I thought this was like a wine being served in a posh restaurant, you get a small taster in the glass before the waiter fills it.
Had a nice escape to Starbucks for a decent coffee this morning and thanks to Sam getting me a flask from there yesterday it stayed nice and hot the whole time. It was good to get some fresh air and stretch my legs after being sat on a bed for most of the last two days. Had the consultant here when I got back and after chatting with him everything seems to be going OK so far, apart from the odd side effects.
Just been moved down to the ward I should have been on to start with but, stupidly, it doesn't feel as comfortable as ward 62 and there is a draft coming through the window I'm next to so not as warm as the old bed.
Started today's round at just gone mid-day so should be expected to finish about 6pm to 7pm tonight, an early night by comparison to the last two so going to finish off watching the Matrix.
There you go Jo, some babble for you to read at last.
Anyway after a late finish, watching the Matrix to pass the time, I was up again for a pee stop at about 6am this morning, then again up at 7am for temperature, BP & pulse checking, then just after 8 to place my breakfast order. Went for the cooked breakfast, bacon, scrambled egg & tomato followed by marmalade on toast. I could get used to this. The food in general has been quite good but I do have some personal gripes. I went for quiche for lunch yesterday but skipped on the potato as I usually don't eat a lot for lunch and received a slice about 2.5cm wide and 6cm long. I thought this was like a wine being served in a posh restaurant, you get a small taster in the glass before the waiter fills it.
Had a nice escape to Starbucks for a decent coffee this morning and thanks to Sam getting me a flask from there yesterday it stayed nice and hot the whole time. It was good to get some fresh air and stretch my legs after being sat on a bed for most of the last two days. Had the consultant here when I got back and after chatting with him everything seems to be going OK so far, apart from the odd side effects.
Just been moved down to the ward I should have been on to start with but, stupidly, it doesn't feel as comfortable as ward 62 and there is a draft coming through the window I'm next to so not as warm as the old bed.
Started today's round at just gone mid-day so should be expected to finish about 6pm to 7pm tonight, an early night by comparison to the last two so going to finish off watching the Matrix.
There you go Jo, some babble for you to read at last.
Wednesday 20 January 2010
More Fact Than Emotion
I thought I should write this post because of a conversation I had with Sam this afternoon after getting the text message from my niece.
Ever since being told I most probably had testicular cancer I don't think I have had emotional feelings and thoughts about what the outcome could be. I have just been a 'let's get on with whatever is necessary so I get to the end as soon as possible to get on with the rest of my life' type of person, blaming no-one and not spending any time thinking how someone, who is perhaps slightly above average fitness, eats fairly healthy & doesn't smoke or drink very much, could contract this potentially life threatening disease. I've not seen it as something that should interrupt my usual life more than is necessary, with the exception of perhaps delaying a long overdue holiday in the sun, or something I should be worried or embarrassed about just something that needed to be dealt with as soon as possible. The thought of never coming out the other side of this has never entered my head, I have a life with a brilliant & loving wife and family which I intend to continue. I know this is not perhaps the way most other cancer suffers react, at least not at first, but this is me.
Being an avid cyclist I read the first Lance Armstrong book several years ago which covers his time during his cancer treatment and found it quite motivating even then but more so now. As I said above not worrying about what has happened just concentrating on what is happening coming to a successful conclusion.
I should also add that the one thing both the consultants & specialist cancer nurses I've come in contact with re-iterate is that if you are a man who is going to get cancer, testicular cancer has the highest cure success rate of about 97% I think and the quicker you get it diagnosed the better it is for you. I suppose I'm trying to say guys here is your chance for a regular good feel to keep on top of it, don't be shy there are several good internet sites out there full of information for the blokes.
Ever since being told I most probably had testicular cancer I don't think I have had emotional feelings and thoughts about what the outcome could be. I have just been a 'let's get on with whatever is necessary so I get to the end as soon as possible to get on with the rest of my life' type of person, blaming no-one and not spending any time thinking how someone, who is perhaps slightly above average fitness, eats fairly healthy & doesn't smoke or drink very much, could contract this potentially life threatening disease. I've not seen it as something that should interrupt my usual life more than is necessary, with the exception of perhaps delaying a long overdue holiday in the sun, or something I should be worried or embarrassed about just something that needed to be dealt with as soon as possible. The thought of never coming out the other side of this has never entered my head, I have a life with a brilliant & loving wife and family which I intend to continue. I know this is not perhaps the way most other cancer suffers react, at least not at first, but this is me.
Being an avid cyclist I read the first Lance Armstrong book several years ago which covers his time during his cancer treatment and found it quite motivating even then but more so now. As I said above not worrying about what has happened just concentrating on what is happening coming to a successful conclusion.
I should also add that the one thing both the consultants & specialist cancer nurses I've come in contact with re-iterate is that if you are a man who is going to get cancer, testicular cancer has the highest cure success rate of about 97% I think and the quicker you get it diagnosed the better it is for you. I suppose I'm trying to say guys here is your chance for a regular good feel to keep on top of it, don't be shy there are several good internet sites out there full of information for the blokes.
Number Two On It's Way In
Started day two at about 3pm this afternoon but this will be a long one tonight looking at my chart finishing around 11pm as it's two of the cancer drugs. Thursday, Friday & Saturday should be around five and a half hours each giving me hope I can be out of here Saturday night.
Here's another plug for the sympathy & thoughts etc. we've been getting, as I think that people should be thinking of both Sam and me at this time, after all it is her who has to go home to an empty house, prepare food for just her and sleep in the house all by herself. Anyway it was a text from my niece & nephew on my sister's side, very nice of an 18 year old thinking of me and nice words in her text. Two of the three guys in here with me have been having visitors, mobile phone calls and texts but there is one who, I think, has travelled a distance to get here and hasn't had any visitors or received and contact by mobile. Perhaps that's his choice, as I believe this is his last cycle, but personally, even though I am 100% confident of living through this I find it a comfort when I get a message from a family member or friend.
Here's another plug for the sympathy & thoughts etc. we've been getting, as I think that people should be thinking of both Sam and me at this time, after all it is her who has to go home to an empty house, prepare food for just her and sleep in the house all by herself. Anyway it was a text from my niece & nephew on my sister's side, very nice of an 18 year old thinking of me and nice words in her text. Two of the three guys in here with me have been having visitors, mobile phone calls and texts but there is one who, I think, has travelled a distance to get here and hasn't had any visitors or received and contact by mobile. Perhaps that's his choice, as I believe this is his last cycle, but personally, even though I am 100% confident of living through this I find it a comfort when I get a message from a family member or friend.
One Down Fourteen to Go
At last the treatment has started. Yesterdays first day didn't finish until half past midnight this morning and apart from a blip at about 3am this morning when I was woken with nausea pains that lasted about 15 minutes and a call of nature the night wasn't too bad but then it's only one day of drugs. I will be well chuffed if the rest of the week continues as it has so far.
It's very quiet up here at 10:30am. I thought things would be a lot more lively than this. Two of the guys in this little room are dosing but I've had breakfast, showered and changed ready for the excitement the day brings.
Had a nice early morning call from my niece asking how I was and then going on to comparing breakfasts. Apparently, considering she is only five, she is quite worried about me where her brother, my three year old nephew, just thinks I've got a 'sicky belly'.
They should be able to bring today's treatment forward and the nurse said they should be able to start at about 3pm. Still be well into the evening when I'm still attached to the drip but does mean a much earlier finish.
Would just like to say two personal things:
1. Sis, you need an old fashioned alarm clock with hands so it doesn't matter if it's AM or PM, anyway forgot to say hope you managed to get to work on time.
2. Sis-in-law, thanks for your text and I know all of the family on the outside will do whatever they can to help Sam as much as me through these next few months.
I can't say it enough but no matter how confident & positive I feel it is such an encouragement to get the supportive texts and emails from people. I'm really sure it does make things at least a little better for both of us.
It's very quiet up here at 10:30am. I thought things would be a lot more lively than this. Two of the guys in this little room are dosing but I've had breakfast, showered and changed ready for the excitement the day brings.
Had a nice early morning call from my niece asking how I was and then going on to comparing breakfasts. Apparently, considering she is only five, she is quite worried about me where her brother, my three year old nephew, just thinks I've got a 'sicky belly'.
They should be able to bring today's treatment forward and the nurse said they should be able to start at about 3pm. Still be well into the evening when I'm still attached to the drip but does mean a much earlier finish.
Would just like to say two personal things:
1. Sis, you need an old fashioned alarm clock with hands so it doesn't matter if it's AM or PM, anyway forgot to say hope you managed to get to work on time.
2. Sis-in-law, thanks for your text and I know all of the family on the outside will do whatever they can to help Sam as much as me through these next few months.
I can't say it enough but no matter how confident & positive I feel it is such an encouragement to get the supportive texts and emails from people. I'm really sure it does make things at least a little better for both of us.
Tuesday 19 January 2010
At Last
Slight mess up here as I should have been in last Friday for pre-op but because nothing was booked and the blood they took this morning was held up in the labs I have been on the drip for about 15 minutes now. Six and a half hours for this days intake means it's going to be quite a late night tonight. This also seems to stop any chances of me being able to be home for Saturday night when we were going to have an Indian take-away, something I was looking forward to. I suppose I should be grateful that I've got in and started on the road to recovery. Now just have to wait and see what the next few months holds in terms of side effects. I think I should be OK with most and am not worried by any of them, especially as they are temporary, with the exception of the potential damage to my kidneys & lungs.
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